Lost Between Two Shores
by Astralpilgrim
Summary: Snap out of it,' she told herself. 'You're home. You made it. It's what you wanted, wasn't it? To get back to Molly...' Psychologically, she could feel the cracks begin.


**Lost Between Two Shores by Astralpilgrim**

Pairing: Galex

Rating: T to be on the safe side (couple of curses from Gene), but more probably K+

Disclaimer: Everything A2A is not mine. The character of Kate Symons _is_ mine. The BBC, Kudos and Monastic owns everything else. The title comes from the Neil Diamond song 'I Am, I Said'. I don't own that either.

**Hey guys - we're getting a third series! How great is _that_?! This is my reaction to the series 2 finale that aired in the UK last night. Started with a few paragraphs, then grew - and I was determined to make it one chapter. Let me know what you think!**

Two weeks after her release from hospital in 2008, Alex Drake had started therapy sessions with the Occupational Psychologist. The situation was so surreal Alex wanted to laugh - long and hard.

Right at this minute, she was about to go into her fourth session with Kate Symons. As before, she was shown into a comfortable office - and Kate motioned for her to take a seat.

"How are you doing today?" she asked Alex - her American accent slightly sing-song.

"Oh - you know..." Alex's voice tailed off.

"Mm. Alex - I'm so glad you opted to continue these therapy sessions. I've been doing a bit of background reading since we last met - and I've got some information that may interest you."

"Interest me? How?"

"Well, I'm not sure yet." She hesitated, searching Alex's face for.... _something_. "Remember you told me about that man - when he told you that there were 'more of them out there - like pebbles on a beach'."

Alex visibly swallowed. "Kevin Hales."

"Mm. What if... what if he wasn't just talking about police corruption?"

"I don't understand.."

Kate considered Alex's response.

"It hasn't been easy for you, Alex - has it? I mean, maybe you thought you'd wake up and slot back into your life like you'd never left." Alex didn't comment. "But it hasn't quite worked out that way - has it?"

"Molly needs me," she responded - almost defiantly.

"You've said that a lot in our sessions," Kate agreed. "What if... what if someone else needs you too?"

"What?"

"What if.. what if I told you that I was born in 2003?" Kate chose her words carefully.

"Then that would make you five years old," Alex answered, logically. "You're clearly not five years old."

"No, I'm not. I'm 27." Alex considered this for a moment, and Kate could almost see the wheels turn inside her head.

"What year are you from?" was the question that eventually came.

"2030," came the answer.

"How?"

"I'm originally from Washington DC," Kate explained. "Hence the accent. I was over here on an employment exchange. On a bus, when there was a terrible road traffic accident. Everything went black - I woke up here."

"Sounds familiar."

"Thing is though, once I'd figured out what was going on, I wanted to stay. Felt like I belonged. I'd never been to London in 2008 though. Was a bit disconcerting, but I got used to it soon enough."

"Difference is, I had someone I had to get home to," Alex pointed out. "Like I said, Molly needs me."

"What makes you think I didn't have anyone in 2030?"

"Did you?"

"Yes - my Mom. She's disabled, in a wheelchair. Don't get me wrong, I love her - 'course I love her. She's my Mom. But even before she was disabled, I grew up with this overwhelming feeling that I was supposed to be somewhere else. And within the first few weeks of landing here, I knew I'd found that place. It wasn't anything to do with running away from my responsibilites, if that's what you're thinking."

"How could you just leave her?" Alex wanted to know. Kate noted, with interest, that the tone wasn't accusing - just curious.

"Oh, it wasn't easy - believe me. And I did go back. But I found I couldn't live with 2030 anymore. I had to come home."

"Home?"

"This is my home now."

"What did you do? To come back here?"

Kate looked at Alex defiantly.

"I took my life." She swallowed. "I _had _to come home, Alex. I can't explain it, but I _had _to." Alex nodded.

"Like Sam."

"Yeah." Kate had read the transcripts of Sam's dictation too.

"So, it _was _real?"

"I would say so. I mean, _this_ is real to me." She paused a moment, studying Alex. "Tell me again about your team."

"Well.." Alex took a deep breath, and let it out slowly. "I've told you about Chris and Shaz. You know, maybe that's why I saw Shaz in her wedding dress. Maybe I was never destined to be at that wedding."

"And Ray?"

"Ray Carling. Good copper. Extremely loyal."

"Which just leaves.....?"

"Gene Hunt." Alex hadn't said his name aloud in weeks. He was the one subject she rarely talked about.

"I know how Sam Tyler perceived him. How about you?"

"In some ways.. I saw him exactly the same as Sam. Overbearing, sexist neanderthal." She paused. "And in other ways...." Once again, her voice tailed off.

"Yes?"

"In other ways, he was the most kind, most caring.. most protective man I've ever met. Always looked out for me. Always there for me - from the beginning. Which I.... appreciated. I'm not sure he knew how much..." Kate bit her lip.

"Sounds like.. sounds like he loved you very much." At Kate's words, Alex's head whipped round. Kate could see realisation in Alex's eyes.

"Yeah... I suppose he did," She agreed, softly.

"And... did you love him?"

Alex's eyes became moist.

"Yes." It was a whisper, but heartfelt. "Shame how... shame how you don't realise these things until it's too late."

"Is it? Too late?"

"Of course it's too late. I'm here - aren't I?"

"Yes, you are. And I went back to 2030 - briefly." It suddenly dawned on Alex what Kate meant.

"Oh, no - I couldn't do that. I couldn't do that to Molly." She paused. "If there was any other way... no. I'm a Mum - my place is here, with my daughter."

"Okay - but can you live the rest of your life not knowing? Can you just draw a line under it all, and go back to 2008?"

"I _have_ to...." Alex replied, in a small voice - tinged with regret. She cleared her throat. "I don't think I've ever felt so alive, Kate. In 2008, it's all so clinical. Computers, and all... you hardly have to use any brainpower. A couple of keystrokes, and the job's done. Back then..." Kate looked at her expectantly.

"Yeah?"

"The majority of it is instinct. And I _loved_ it."

"I can see that. Your eyes just lit up. First time I've seen that - so I'm guessing that it's the first time in weeks that it's happened. Apart from seeing Molly."

"Yeah," breathed Alex.

"D'you miss it? 1982? The team?" Kate hesitated. "Gene?"

"I do," Alex replied, a little sadly - her gaze directed towards the floor. "Hey," she added, moments later. "I thought your job was to help me make sense of things, and help me ease back into 2008?"

"I've got a unique viewpoint though," Kate told her. "It's not as black-and-white as all that. Maybe, though... maybe we could at least get you some answers to those myriad questions no doubt going round and round in your head."

"How d'you mean?"

"Well, I told you I'd done a little background reading. How would you like to go on a little fact-finding mission?"

* * *

That night, there was just Alex and Molly at home. Once assured that Alex was doing okay, Evan had taken up a friend's offer of a short trip - and would be out of town for a few days.

Molly was making dinner, and generally making a fuss of her Mum. Alex had assumed that this would be bliss, having missed Molly all this time - but it hadn't turned out that way.

"Here you go, Mum. Steak and kidney pie, baby potatoes and vegetable medley. Is it warm enough? I can heat it up for you. There's a glass of water there - or would you prefer orange? Or apple juice - I'm sure there's some apple juice in the fridge.."

"I can do this perfectly well myself you know."

"I know, but the doctor said you needed some pampering for a while. Now - _is _itwarm enough? Would you like other juice? Maybe coffee - I can get that after-"

"Molly!" Alex exclaimed. Molly fell silent. "Stop fussing! I can't stand this! I _can_ take care of myself - had plenty of practice recently.." Molly blinked a lot, and suddenly looked desperate to be anywhere else.

""I'll, er... I'll just go and catch up on some of that work that the school sent home..." she managed - and took herself off upstairs.

Alex groaned. She was always doing that these days - flying off the handle. Her moods went up and down like a yoyo. Looking down at the tray on her lap, she took in the pie, potatoes and veg - and suddenly had a yearning for one of Luigi's pasta dishes. And a glass of his house red. House _rubbish, _as Gene had regularly called it.

Gene.

Alex had been thinking about him on and off all day, since she'd spoken about him in the therapy session. Wondered what he was doing now, this minute. Because, after speaking to Kate - she was in absolutely in no doubt whatsoever that his world would have continued after she'd gone.

Absently, she thought about all those night's in Luigi's. '_An unhealthy obsession with male bonding' _Sam had called it - but she'd felt more a part of a team there than anywhere else in her career. _And _the first female D.I. in the Division, to boot. Suddenly, she really _really_ wanted to be sitting in that Italian trattoria with the rest of them.

_Snap out of it, _she told herself. _You're home. You made it. It's what you wanted, wasn't it? To get back to Molly...? _Psychologically, she could feel the cracks begin.

* * *

A couple of days later, Kate and Alex found themselves standing outside the local primary school.

"Why are we here?" Alex wanted to know.

Kate searched the waiting crowd of parents, until her eyes fell on a certain couple.

"Those two over there," she gestured with an incline of her head. "Recognise them?"

"No, I-" Alex narrowed her eyes, and peered closer. "I don't believe it - that's Chris and Shaz!"

"Yep. They were married in '83. Celebrated their Silver Wedding a few months ago. They're here today to collect their granddaughter from school."

"_Granddaughter_?" asked Alex, somewhat in disbelief.

"Yes. You weren't wrong about these two. This is a match made to last."

Alex watched as a little dark-haired girl ran over to Chris and Shaz, exclaiming: 'Nana! Granddad!' She looked on as they swept her up in their arms, and delightedly walked away with her.

"I'm glad," Alex murmured - and she meant it. If anyone deserved happiness, it was those two. She was beginning to feel a little better about the world she'd left.

* * *

That afternoon, Alex and Kate found themselves at one of the local cemeteries. Alex watched from a slight distance as an elderly-but-active looking gentleman arrived at a gravestone, and just stood there. The perm and the moustache may have long since gone, but there was no mistaking the man before her.

"Ray," she said, softly. "Who died?"

"Can you see the gravestone?" Kate asked. Alex narrowed her eyes and tried to focus.

"In beloved memory of Lianne Carling," she read. Her brows scrunched in confusion. "His wife?" She looked to Kate for confirmation.

"Yes. 20 years. She died six months ago. Cancer. He comes here every day."

"He must have loved her."

"Devoted." Kate shivered. "Let's get out of here. Never did like these places very much." Alex nodded in agreement, and they both wandered off to the exit.

"What about Gene?" Alex suddenly found herself wanting to know. _Needing_ to know. "I mean - I'm assuming you found out about him too." Kate opened her mouth, then closed it again. Instead, she reached into her pocket - and pulled out a small piece of paper, which was folded once.

"Meet me here, tomorrow afternoon. 2pm." Fondly, she reached out and squeezed Alex's hand - then turned on her heel and walked away.

* * *

All the next morning, Alex had resisted the urge to look up the address on the computer. It was just a simple address - the number and name of a street, the area, and the postcode. Nothing to indicate if it was just a house or... anything else. She'd read the thing a million times. It _did_ tell her one thing, though.

"Oh, Gene... you didn't end up in Alicante then?"

At 2pm on the dot, Alex walked up to the impressive-looking building - to find Kate already there.

"A nursing home?" she asked. "That doesn't sound like Gene."

"Are you sure you want to do this?" Kate wanted to know. "Maybe some things are best left alone."

"No - I need to see him," Alex decided. "I dunno - maybe he just got really old... I mean, he'd be in his seventies now."

Kate spoke to one of the nursing staff, and they were shown out to the expansive gardens at the rear of the building. Alex scanned the area... and found him. He was hunched up on a bench, rug over his knees. She gasped.

"Oh my god... he looks so small..." she breathed. "The Manc Lion, reduced to this..." She turned to Kate. "What happened to him?"

"You really want to know?"

"Tell me," Alex implored her. Kate took a deep breath.

"You died. Gene was kept on remand for six months, but eventually they had to let him go. They had no evidence that it was anything other than an accident. But - he _did_ shoot you. And you _did_ die. And he never came back from that."

"What?"

"Smoked even more. Drank like a fish. Retired from the job because he couldn't face it anymore. It reminded him too much." Kate turned, and looked at Alex as she gazed over at Gene. "He's an old man now, Alex. 72 years of age. Can you let him go? Does it make you want him any less?"

"If I didn't think I'd give him a heart-attack and finish him off, I'd run over there in a second and throw my arms around him." She laughed nervously, and wiped at the tears now coursing down her cheeks. "I mean, how would he take that? He didn't believe that I came from the future. 26 years later, and I haven't changed a day. More than that, I've come back from the dead!"

"Maybe... maybe you're _supposed_ to be together - in 1982," Kate offered, gently.

Alex started to sob properly then, and took a few steps backwards - suddenly desperate to get away. She ended up running.

"Alex?" called Kate, struggling to catch up with her.

"You bitch," Alex hissed, wiping her tears away with the back of her hand.

"What?!"

"You're as good as telling me that if I go back, I can save him? Forgetting one thing, aren't you?"

"Forgetting what?"

"Molly," Alex ground out. "She said she knew I'd never leave her. I _can't_," she explained. "It's not fair what you're doing."

"I'm just making the point that you have options," Kate insisted, calmly.

"No! I have _no_ options," Alex insisted, firmly. "I am very sorry about Gene, but there's nothing I can do. I have no power to change what's happened - and I can't go to him now. So, I'll just have to live with that."

Kate nodded.

"Just as long as you're sure you can."

"I have to go," Alex told her. "And I think it's safe to say that our counselling sessions are at an end." She swallowed. "Goodbye." Kate watched until Alex walked out of sight.

* * *

For the following few weeks, Alex tried to go about her life as normal. Be a good Mum to Molly, pick up where she'd left off. But something wasn't working. She almost felt as if she was treading water again - marking time.

Her nights were filled with dreams and nightmares in equal measure. Dreams of herself and Gene together.. but somehow, she couldn't rid herself of that image of the defeated figure at the nursing home. That _wasn't _Gene. She couldn't leave him like that - could she?

She sat down heavily on her bed. Due to her mood swings, Evan had insisted that Molly stay one night a week with him to give Alex some space and let her relax. Blinking back tears, she took a deep breath - and began to speak to Gene.

"Gene... I really thought that _this_ is what I wanted. I love my Molly, I really do.. but I _do _miss you. And I love you. God - why am I only realising that now?" She swallowed. "I hope by some freak of nature that you can hear me - even if we _are_ parted by a distance so great that even _I _can't get my head around it. I never betrayed you, Gene.. never. I wouldn't. Was always on your side. That's where I wanted to be - on your team. If it hadn't been for Molly.. I would probably have stayed."

She sniffed, and wiped away more tears.

"There could be a way back for me, but I'm not sure I can take it. I... I don't know what to do, Gene. I saw you, the other week. What you've become. What you _will _become - and it tears me in two. Because, for all my indepdendent thinking and all.. I wish you could tell me what to do." Finally running out of energy, Alex slid down so she was lying flat, staring at the ceiling.

"Gene..." she wailed softly - and closed her eyes.

* * *

Alex woke with Gene's voice in her head. The previous few hours had been full of dreams of him as usual - but one phrase kept going round and round in her head:

"_If you ain't where you wanna be, Bolly... you're no place."_

It was then that she knew what she had to do......

* * *

The sun was just filtering into the sky when Alex turned off the ignition. Getting out of the car, she took the few steps over to the edge of the headland where she'd parked.

She could smell the sea, and felt her senses come alive. The breeze whipped her hair about her face.

She thought about Molly, and about the letters she'd left both her and Evan. She thought about Gene, and hoped what she was about to do would work.

_'Forgive me, Molls..'_

With a cry, she ran forward - and jumped...

* * *

For the second time in as many months, Alex Drake woke in hospital. The sterile, acrid smell of antiseptic assaulted her nostrils.

A nurse hovered, in an unusual uniform. Alex hoped, but she couldn't be sure.

"Excuse me?"

The nurse looked up, and smiled.

"Yes?"

"This is going to sound like a completely stupid question... but please humour me. What year is it?"

The nurse opened her mouth to answer, but never got the chance.

"1982, Bolls," came the voice. "I shot you in the gut, not the brain-box."

Alex couldn't help but grin - _this _Gene that had just walked in was young and vital, in every way. The Manc Lion was back.

"How long have I been out?"

"A few days. Got a phone call this morning sayin' that you're out of the woods. Thank Christ for that." He sat down heavily in the chair next to the bed.

"A few days..." breathed Alex. "Gene.." she began, carefully. "About what we talked about before - that audio tape-"

"Bolly. I just need to know one thing." Alex looked at him. "Are you here to stay now?"

"Yes," she told him, firmly. "Here to stay. Forever."

"Then I couldn't give a rat's-arse where you came from. What's more important to me is where we're going."

"_We, _Gene?"

"Yep - still a team, aren't we?" He betrayed his hard exterior when he took her hand and squeezed it - tightly.

"Still a team," she whispered. "The _best_."

"That's good. 'Cos for a minute there, I thought you were gonna leave me on me own."

"No chance," Alex assured him. "So - I've been to hell and back. Would it be too much to ask the Manc Lion for a hug?" Gene looked at her, his features softening.

Swallowing, he stood from his chair and slid his arms around her.

"Gave me a hell of a scare, Alex," he whispered in her ear. "Glad you're okay."

"Me too," she whispered back. "Me too."

He glanced a light kiss on her cheek as he drew back - and they both felt it. The connection that spoke of untold promises, hopes and desires. He took her hand again, and didn't let go.

* * *

In 2008, Kate Symons was clearing up her flat, when a news item on the tv caught her attention. Hurredly, she searched for the remote control, and turned up the volume.

"... Police are at the scene of the apparent suicide, which happened early this morning. Ms Drake had just recently awoken from a coma resulting from a gunshot wound, attained while being held captive by the notorious Arthur Layton. She leaves behind a daughter, Molly. It is believed Ms Drake was suffering from depression after being in the coma for six months..."

Kate smiled.

"I hope you made it home," she whispered. "And I hope you're both happy."

**Well, that's it. Hope you enjoyed! ~ Astralpilgrim**


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